Breaking the Patterns That Break You by Tori Hope Petersen

Author:Tori Hope Petersen
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781400250042
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2025-02-05T00:00:00+00:00

RAISE YOUR AWARENESS TO HIM

One evening, while I was at a community worship night, the pastor gripped the microphone, and with a tremor in his voice, admitted that he had recently started taking antianxiety medication. He explained how he prayed, worshiped, and had quiet time with God each morning, but still his mind would worry—which would then cause him to further worry about his worry because he knew he was supposed to worry for nothing as commanded in Philippians 4:6.

Never in my life had I heard another Christian, let alone a pastor, admit that their brain spun like my brain. If anything, I’d only heard pastors and those in Christian leadership hint that those who struggled with mental illness were not Christlike or strong enough in faith.

While the pastor explained his reasoning for getting on medication, he brought up Steve, a man in our church who was paralyzed and had to use a wheelchair. The pastor compared his brain to Steve’s legs and said that sometimes our brains don’t work the way they were designed to, just like the rest of our bodies at times.

Although Steve could not walk, we would never take his wheelchair from him, call him sinful, or tell him to crawl toward what God had called him to do; yet when people take anxiety medication, they are often disparaged for their lack of faith. The pastor explained that medication was his wheelchair so he could continue to run the race God had for him. Just as broken legs can take someone out of a race, a broken brain can too.

Because of that pastor’s testimony, I went to the doctor the next day and was prescribed antianxiety medication. It took only two days for me to notice that my thoughts were more orderly than they’d been for as long as I could remember. I could tell the difference in the way I was thinking before and after. I could also tell when my line of thinking was becoming irrational or riddled with anxiety. More quickly, I could realign my mind. The intrusive thoughts that were like a storm in my brain and body were calmed. The waves were tamed by a small pill I had denied myself because I thought taking medication meant I did not have a strong relationship with God.

For so long, I’d wanted to read my Bible but felt crippled when I went to pick it up. If I was able to open it, I would barely understand what I read afterward because I was fighting against my brain. But with that pill, I became more motivated and focused on reading my Bible. And as I filled my mind with the Word of God, those words began to fight against the lies in my brain.

I don’t have some big theological opinion about antianxiety medication, but I do think talking about our human experience—just like the pastor chose to do—could save a life. The pastor opening up that evening reminded me that I don’t want to seek “wholeness” to present to the world.

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